I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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