I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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