dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
