I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
...so i touched it.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
