I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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