A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My ATM looks so different sober.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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