I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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