Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize