I smell stomach acid.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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