Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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