theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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