The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
