My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
