I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
