At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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