dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
only if we run a train.
done.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
