I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
