I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize