I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
