Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
the day after is always just damage control
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
