she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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