so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
