Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
