Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
When did angry sex become our thing?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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