We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
