okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize