If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
