Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize