you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
