i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.