Swine flu. Run for my life!
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
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I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face