I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.