I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in