Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
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