You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
