Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
