The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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