He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
