I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
