I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
