I am puke
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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