Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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