can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
