oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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