but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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