What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You are a genius and a whore.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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