if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
