did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
