the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
