I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
