Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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