I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
