You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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