then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
