forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We were destined to go to rehab together
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Randomize
