I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
