i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
