Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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