i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
