I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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