found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
