Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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