i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i came on her dog
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
