yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
