There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
