I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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