My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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