i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
