Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
