From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
