it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
