Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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