last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
