"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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