I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
