were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she peed on how many people?
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its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
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You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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