Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
