My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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